It's all about you

2010-07-02T22:03:00.003+08:00

Final blogger post!

So I went down to Raffles Place yesterday, what a bustling corporate world down there. Met Marcus, got my lunch treat and official business done, haha. When I was weaning through the crowd, acting like a pro who knows the complicated underground path really well, I ended up at the wrong exit. I actually went back down the escalator before I decided to turn back and snap some photos.

I really love this place, it gives me an undescribable feeling. I don't know what it is... but it's some sort of great.

A folder titled Past. I'm embracing the present and the future. No idea what's gonna be ahead but it's sure gonna be one exciting ride (:

May (not) be publicising my new space, but do try asking if you like (me) , hahaha!

Xoxo,
Monica

2010-06-24T23:15:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry, you've been really faithful but I think I'm abandoning you soon.

Goodbye Blogger?

2010-06-23T20:37:00.003+08:00

Today was a truly amazing day, I really saw God fitting the little pieces bit by bit, creating the "perfect" day for me. So full of "coincidences" I know it has got to be more than mere luck.

Sissy texted me around 1130am, asking if I could go online to video-call her. I was in a bit of a dilemma because I'm fasting from 12-6pm and I promised myself no getting onto the computer till after dinner. Worried that it's urgent, I decided to just come on to talk to her. While I was contemplating whether I should make it fast and get off by 12noon, I remembered that the other day when Yvonne and I were signing up for our fasting slots, we were "interrupted" halfway and a few of the younger ones "stole" one of my slot away... and it happens to be today! Which means, I didn't have to fast today.

Being an addict, I decided to stay online to chat for a while longer and just as I ended my conversation with Sissy and came back from lunch, Christina talked to me and asked me to proof-read a few chapters of her book. While I agreed readily, I recalled with guilt about the last time I said "Sure!" but the mail she sent me is still unread. This time, I prayed to kick away the lazy bug and get down to it immediately.

So, with my glasses on and feeling all nerdy, I spent the afternoon reading through, thinking very hard and "editing" the 50 pages she sent me! Got it done in about 2 hours, which amazed both Christina and myself because I'm usually a VERY slow and impatient reader who gives up midway. It've been awhile since I felt this good. Helping people really makes you happy.

During my short "work" breaks, I kept seeing Yvonne on FB chat and told myself that I'll talk to her if she's still around when I'm done... and so I did! I shared a little of my joy with her and unknowingly, it really encouraged her. God works in an amazing way huh! :D All these wouldn't have happened if I didn't "break" my fast (okay, technically I still didn't, but you get the idea) and come online.

Coupled with my evening jog, pardon me, but I feel fantastically radiant today! ♥

Truly & faithfully, thanks to God ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-06-22T22:15:00.002+08:00

Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it

Today turned out to be an unexpectedly good day! People keep asking me what I do everyday since I'm practically a goofer now, I really have nothing to say but "Ehhh, slack?" C'mon, I live by the day!

I finally collected my SGC and yearbook today, felt a weird sense of satisfaction and like "I finally graduated!" though that really happened months ago. Walking around the campus did evoke some feelings though, really nostalgic... it made me think of all the things that made me smile but also, those that made me sad. All in all, I'll be back someday, to camwhore, keep some memories and not forgetting to patronise my favourite cai fan uncle and eat my yummy fish.

Today, I realised how weak my left hand is, it almost gave way under the weight of two SGCs and yearbooks. :( Wake up, time for exercise!

Anyway, I (finally) met up with Weijie and MR! Happy army boys on leave. Astons, unmistaken child and ZoneX. I know they loved playing BishiBashi with me even though they kept repeating "damn retarded" throughout the stages. I mean, who doesn't enjoy BishiBashi?! Oh, and guess who thrashed the guys in racing? (: Okay, only once, but am contented!

Once again, a lazy night on sissy's bed. It finally dawned upon me that I really have to start clearing out the room for her return! Can't wait for her to be back but I really dislike packing, roarrrrrr.

I like the mini picture I just drew in my journal, 40 days fast&pray is really good.

2010-06-21T19:41:00.003+08:00

The other day while I was listening to the radio, I heard how the name "Secondhand Serenade" came about. Lead vocalist and guitarist, John Vesley, came up with the name because all his songs are originally written and serenaded to his wife. So, anyone else listens to them "second-hand". Sweet much?

"There must be something more, do we know what we're fighting for?
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out
And all these masks we wore, we never knew what we had in store
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out"

2010-06-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

God has changed you from the inside out. Temptation will pester you, but temptation will not master you. -Max Lucado

I'm reading a book titled "Hugs for the heart" at the moment, bought it from MPH the other day not knowing it's a Christian book. The stories are simple yet very sweet, really makes me smile. The beauty of human emotions and kindness.

Last night, I realised that people really do change over time, sometimes a little too much. For the first time, I'm really embracing this change. It gives me a reason to move on and never look back.

Life is very interesting.. in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths. -Drew Barrymore

This really speaks straight to my heart, all thanks to You (:

2010-06-19T23:30:00.001+08:00

My 19th turned out well better than expected and I really had a blast! No big parties nor anything exceptionally exciting, just doing simple things with the people whom I love the most really made me a little happy birthday girl (: The past three days have been pure indulgence, time to snap back into reality.

Thursday was day out with cousin and brother! Our initial plan fell through and no, we're not revealing it 'cause it's quite damn embarrassing! Anyway, I had my virgin shot at the Luge which was really fun :D I even enjoyed the skyride and clenching of toes to make sure my slippers don't fall off. The trails were a little short though :( Not enough! After that, we settled for Carls Jr and Toys' story 3 in 3D! Unexpectedly touching, not much of the 3D effect though, a little wasted. Dinner together with 小姑 too (:

The quiet Coffee Club night with Jacintha and Yvonne turned into a little crazy fun night at Timbre :D Gotta say Jac is an awesome actress and damn great at stalling time. So the rest gave me a really pleasant surprise when they burst out into the birthday song with a cookie "cake" in the middle of Clarke Quay, while I was walking towards them cluelessly. Very sweet of them, especially when most of them had school or work the next day! The night ended on a pretty high (pun intended) note, that's all I'm going to say. & thank God for these awesome churchies :D OH!

Hello Marcus Lim, thanks for the hugeeeeee star lollipop and for bombing $$$ to cab home with me, hahaha.

Shepherd! Thank you for everything too. Though you're a LL, I still ♥ you plenty!! Touched much?

Yesterday was spent with my retarded best doing the same things we used to do, but it felt great! We spent the day at AMK, we felt pretty weirded and "loser" at times, but there are where all our memories are (: Kbox&Ichiban FTW. We're kept saying that we are getting old, and birthday celebrations are getting seemingly more boring and less surprises, nice presents etc. but BEST! Sometimes I think the presence of close friends is more than enough! Thank you (:

& finally, dinner with my family @ Crab Party! CRISPY BUTTER CRAYFISH (: Oh and I'm crazily in love with Tofu these days, don't ask why! I don't know either. Food was not bad but I really liked my Fresh Thai Coconut ♥ Hahaha. I didn't want to have a cake so I ended up with two pints of Ben&Jerry's instead! I know Mummy thought it was pricey but still got it for me anyway. She doesn't usually eat ice-cream but did yesterday, all for me!

These people have really blessed me tremendously in my life and I really hope I'm a blessing to them as well. My wish for this year is to be a better person!!! For all to be happy, healthy, to love and be loved ♥ ♥ ♥

Goodnight!

2010-06-16T16:41:00.002+08:00

I've opened this page for the longest time ever, slotting a nap in between. Oh what lazy days I've been leading. Swim plans were killed by the weather once again, and my devastation level upped a notch on Monday when I found out that Bishan gym is closed till September. This week is the last week of operation for TPY gym too. Oh-em-gee.

Never been ultra excited for my birthday but celebration starts tonight! Gonna spend the night at Casper's which probably means TV + Wii + lots of food and drinks. Shall pray for good weather for the next two days & please don't let me fall sick... Sad to say, I feel it coming :(

Shall go bathe soon, pack & leave!

2010-06-16T01:26:00.003+08:00

Arghhhh, losing my patience again :( Maybe it's all God's will for her to say those things & for me to see through things?

Monica, stop acting out. They're all nothing, nothing to you. Love, because you're called to.

2010-06-16T00:10:00.002+08:00

I think I'm addicted...

Those who apologize and those who forgive, heal each other's hearts. -Dhanti Praspani

If you can't solve it but you've tried your best, it's okay. God will take the rest.

Ending off with a photo I really like,

Goodnight (:

2010-06-15T19:49:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored and feeling a tad weird, totally want to go out for a walk + drink tonight. & then guess who I caught on FB chat?

My (ex)late-night buddy still makes me laugh,

M: TAYTAY I AM BORED AND I MISS YOU
J: LIAR!!
M: REALLY! I totally wanna go out now hahahaha
J: you have your darling already
M: haha my darling is my friend -.-
J: WHO IS IT!!! WHO IS IT!!! TELL ME NOW!!! OR I FB STALK YOU!!!

Nothing like a really comical jealous buddy (:

2010-06-12T23:08:00.002+08:00

God doesn’t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To make you the person you were meant to be. -Joyce Meyer

SL once said to me, "If love doesn't hurt, it doesn't exist."

Sharing today made me realise that the most difficult people we got to deal with in our lives usually turn out to be the people we truly love and care for. It's precisely because of how much we care that drives us to think so hard about how to make things right. I guess sometimes, the closest relationships are the most difficult to maintain. Right?

Goodnight!

2010-06-11T19:49:00.002+08:00

If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are. -Pamela R. Satran

Looking at this quote again reminds me of my very enlightening conversation with Marcus last night. I think I was too tired to absorb the things he said last night, but today, they kept ringing in my head. Guess he really gave me a new perspective on the matter and I'm glad I shared with him. It amazes me how looking at the same matter from a different point of view really changes things.

Agape love was mentioned last night and it made me reflect on how narrow a concept of love I've been holding onto. During retreat, we were taught about the nature of Christ's love... Always forgiving, personal, merciful, unearned and even undeserved. All in all, the essence of agape love is self-sacrifice.

Human love is always selfish to a certain extent. When we give, we always expect returns in one way or another. Some require much lesser than others, but a rare few can go without anything. During one of our sharing, Sinong told me that she feels that I'm the kind who does things for others out of my love for them. & a long time ago, someone else also said that I always give without taking. To be honest, that was how I thought of myself in the past as well... Not so noble of course, but I know I require very little in return from others. However, it dawned upon me that my givings are not so unconditional afterall.

I love and give freely (or not so?) to my friends because I know they love and care for me back in return... and when they don't seem to, I start to doubt their sincerity and feel hurt. Just remembered of how God taught me to love & forgive, even if it causes me to hurt or bleed. Furthermore, who am I to judge who is worthy or deserving of my love?

Typing this post has oddly, liberated me. My personal goal for the near future is to love as Christ did. It's definitely going to be a great challenge given how emotions-led I am and afterall, only Christ's love is perfect right?

Two more quotes to end this post,

The resounding quote since youth discussion, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the presence of God in face of fear."

The heart feels what the eyes can't see and knows what the mind can't understand. -Robert Vallett

2010-06-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

I'm back, home is indeed sweet. The trip was pretty good, the resort kind of sucked but the company was awesome (: Got to talk and meet new people and shared A LOT. I'm actually feeling quite burdened at the moment but I know this is the beginning of something great and I'm waiting patiently!

All I can say is, thank God for my roomie. ♥

2010-06-06T21:15:00.002+08:00

Second post of a day, I must be quite bored or just a day with many thoughts?

Little children are such bundles of joy (: My grandma was telling me about my nephew today... Last night as my parents' car pulled into the house, he immediately went to hide under his mini mattress/blanket. When asked what he was doing, he replied... "我在等小姑姑来找我!!! 小姑姑会来了!! 大姑姑有没有来?!?" Sadly, they then told him then 小姑姑 is not back yet, he came back out and started whining. CUTENESS? I love that uber sweet boy, although he's so hyperactive sometimes, so hard to look after him! & guess what? Him and his sister are like two peas in a pod! I wonder how my aunt (their grandma) is going to manage them both when 妹妹 grows a little older.

Still, they really make me smile. I used to feel damn tired by Saturday night from work + early mornings on weekends and all I want is to get home early to shower & rest. However, when I come home and see them, I feel so energized again. Though they probably leave me more drained than ever, running around and climbing on me at times haha! Even times when the elder brother gets all whiny and jealous over his little baby sister, it's all so adorable.

Guess they're just so carefree and overflowing with simple pure happiness? Can't help but to infect others (:

2010-06-06T11:36:00.001+08:00

A conversation with Yvonne last night evoked quite some emotions. She was saying that God created us with feelings and we're not meant to be alone. Humans are such strange creatures with way too wide an emotional range and a large web of intertwining strands of feelings. Someone's emotions can so easily lift another up, and of course, bring them down as well.

Is it ever possible for one to untangle free and to truly live life solely for oneself and not be lead along by others? Personally, I don't think it is. A lot at times, I thought I stopped caring for certain people but when something happens to them, however small, I still feel all uneasy inside.

I hate moving back and forth, hate feeling like such a indecisive person >:(

2010-06-06T00:01:00.002+08:00

Some of the things that an ex-colleague said really struck me that day. Right now, I'm thinking about how he advised me, "The things that you say, and your actions, must match."

I'm thinking more like, sometimes you just got to do something to show that you care and are making the effort and not just all talk no action. Afterall, if it pleases others... especially those whom you really care about, then why not?

A worthy sacrifice.

2010-06-04T09:13:00.000+08:00

Hello! Short update of my rather "exciting" life (: there are just SO many things to be thankful & happy for :D

Steamboat with my dearest retards yesterday, like FINALLY. They also decided to stayover after stuffing ourselves like crazy, and I'm glad they did (: We created our very own mushroom pot!! Awesome. & I kinda love that my friends can sit down and have meals with my family! Great catch up, love you both plenty!

I have been offered a new job too. Since I came back from US, I've been procrastinating and indecisive about how I want to spend my next two months. Haven't been job hunting, haven't been asking nor seeking... But guess what? An opportunity comes knocking, and it's one that is hard to resist. I have been asking my friends, go for $$$ or experience something new and interesting? If this works out, it'll actually kind of be both! How lucky can one get? As Ps Joe would put it, it's not luck, it's God's plan (:

Going off on Monday!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited. Like, sooooooooooooooo excited. I haven't packed though, and must do so wisely or roomie will give me her STARE. She insists that I'll overpack so imma follow her packing list! Laaadeeedaaaa. (:

Byebye! Off to get busy.

2010-05-31T15:53:00.002+08:00

Love is a road without signs yet we still drive becos we can only imagine what's ahead.

Love is not a because, it's a no matter what. -Jodi Picoult

RT @ihatequotes

Today has been such a sinful but happy day, am going to meet the TTSH bunch later :D

2010-05-30T20:16:00.003+08:00

Should I ever be less of myself just to please others? I came across this quote that I really liked the other day...

"You don't have to change for someone, but you need someone to show you how to learn to be better."

Yesterday night was a little wild ride of my emotions, I was physically drained, fighting to stay awake, laughed, teared but most importantly, eventually ended with a smile & a great night sleep. (:

So tired I kept falling asleep while watching table tennis with daddy just now, so going to have an early night later on! & I get to sleep in tomorrow :D Swimming again!!

2010-05-29T22:11:00.002+08:00

So glad that I went for retreat, just as I was telling my dear shepherd... I guess this is what I really needed (: Not only did God really speak to me over these two days, I also managed to spend quality time in sharing with a few, especially my angel (quotes Marcus). Really thank God for allowing our paths to cross, definitely not of pure coincidence I know!

Holiness & true love, great lessons learnt & I'm excited and can't wait to mature more in time.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow as well! The worship team was practising in the chapel during retreat & they have picked out really nice songs for tomorrow, me likeyyyy. Positive, no make that certain, that I'll have an awesome day ahead :D

Youth Retreat

2010-05-27T22:26:00.002+08:00

Thank God I'm going for retreat tomorrow!

(:

2010-05-26T08:19:00.000+08:00

Remember when I caught your eyes,
you gave me rainbows and butterflies.

RT @sunsethighway_

2010-05-25T18:29:00.002+08:00

Looking through my photo albums is bringing me super lots of memories.

Good old times, look what I found!

Hahahaha, I remember this was my "Paparazzi" shot 'cause I have photos of other angles all taken at the same moment by my lovely friends (: Post-prom sleepover, those were the days yozzz.

And...

I NEED GORGEOUS HAIR NOWWWWWW.

2010-05-25T00:18:00.006+08:00

My blog has been extremely boring, just felt like doing a short photo post to add some colours (:

Just one photo from my last day,

Also happens to be one of my phone wallpapers now! It's kind of blur when enlarged but I like it because we look so real & happy (: Miss them!

It's the season for graduations! I'm slightly jealous that we don't have graduation at JC :(

Nonetheless,

CONGRATULATIONS SISSYYYYYYY :D We're all uber proud of you, you crazy young graduate with top honours. Don't worry, you'll be employed soon! I have faith in you (:

With Buffalo, haha!

My favourite photo of the day! So pretty.

Today (Oh, it's yesterday already) was Nicholas' Graduation! I'm quite proud of myself for sitting through the ceremony alone & not falling asleep, superrrrrr long. Ah well! At least I managed to help him take photos. Oh! & not forgetting, learnt a lot about photo-taking from his mum, hahaha. So cute.

Tadah!

Our "special" graduate in the black shirt & striking blue tie. Once again, CONGRATULATIONS!

If you're reading this, don't feel disappointed already okay! I think you've done awesome well :D Continue to believe in God's will & plans for you. I know how much today meant to you, it may not have turned out as you imagined but I still hope you're happy (:

Time for bed soon! Clearing out my wardrobe tomorrowwwwww.

2010-05-23T17:02:00.007+08:00

Back at church after 3 long weeks and realised it's my first time at church for the whole month of May! Felt pretty good, I loved worship and the songs were great (:

My life in a nutshell:

1. I have disgusting hair, especially today.

2. After binging in US, I feel 10kg fatter but people have been asking if I lost weight

3. Still on the hair, GROW QUICKLY.

4. Toying with the idea of extensions but so fake :( and $$$

5. Paid up for trip! Huge dip in my bank balance but so happy & excited about going.

6. Finally informed mum about trip, HAHA.

7. Met up with workmates, X and Art since I got back!

8. Unemployed me, still undecided about what I'm going to do

9. Needs a fringe trim & continue to watch my hair grow at snail's pace

10. Feeling so superficial whining non-stop about the hair

11. Couldn't care less about what you think 'cause it's REALLY bothering me today, ROAR.

12. Sad that Julian Tay is now living far far away, I'm losing my buddy :(

13. Thinks I'm being really silly so BYEBYE!

2010-05-20T18:28:00.001+08:00

Deal with it, Monica.

Really can't wait for church this weekend, been MIA for so long. :( Furthermore, I really need Him in my life now. & I need me to be with Him.

2010-05-04T21:26:00.002+08:00

One final post before I fly off!! A little difficult to feel damn excited because I'm pretty sick :/ Dang! Need to feel much better by tomorrow morning!!

Last day today, I felt kind of sad this morning but my sweet friends made everything better! Will post lots of photos when I'm back. Love their presents & cards, sweetness!

We celebrated Jl Ong's birthday yesterday! Surprise was an epic fail but I'm sure he still felt our abundance of love. I woke up at 7am to cook him breakfast, hum coincidentally also woke up at 7am to cook him lunch :O So lunchtime saw us three nomming on homecooked food in the pantry, much love.

Birthday cake surprise, present + head off for Annalakshmi! (:

Presenting my loves (in the shithole) ,

Byeeeee, I'll be back :D

2010-05-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes the things that you are most afraid of, are the things that make you the happiest." ~ Sally Field

2010-05-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

I feel silly because for that several moments, I felt special & thought I could be, for real.

As of now, I feel no more than plain stupid. Only thank God for this extremely timely US trip.

Goodnight.

2010-05-01T23:48:00.002+08:00

4 647733 968 86329, & 48 732559 722737 63.

2010-05-01T10:47:00.000+08:00

Retweeted.

"Every man needs a woman when his life is in a mess, because the queen protects the king like in a game of chess." -Glidedbutterflies

Don't make decisions when you're angry. Don't make promises when you're happy.

2010-05-01T00:54:00.002+08:00

Chomp with the ♥ ♥ ♥ finally materialised! Am very happy tonight :D :D

Ordering loads of food to share always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. We had the funniest of time trying to decide what and how much to order. Smart me took care of the drinks! We ended up with Hokkien mee, chicken wings, satays, stingray, LALA and sugarcaneeee :D Yummers much.

Ended our night with macdonalds cone + remembering to catch the last bus/train.

This song has been stuck in my mind for the past few days, recommended by JL Ong. Addictive!

2010-04-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

Hello, today wasn't an exceptionally good day because I kept feeling so tired! But looking on the bright side, I had a good morning waking up earlier than my alarm, reaching work early + having iced coffee energy boost (:

Work was such a mad rush today + chat buddy is on leave. 4 more days of work and I'm actually starting to feel a little sad about leaving... I guess this is what they mean when they say it's the people who matter. In the crazy madhouse workplace, I've found the most diversed but still so great bunch of friends & I thank God for them!! Or else the past 2 months ++ would have been really bad.

Dreading the long hours flight but excited to 出国散散心 ! The thought of no income kinda depresses me though, rahhhhh >:(

2010-04-27T09:12:00.000+08:00

Just saw a tweet from naiy that I had to retweet but can't 'cause her tweets are protected so here goes,

"Hey boy. Just to let you know, I still care (like always) but I'm done with showing it."

How very true :D good day y'all!!

2010-04-26T20:18:00.002+08:00

Last night before I went to bed, I felt terribly uneasy about today. I made my decision about a week ago, after X told me "if there is no longer any significance, why bother honouring it?". Two weeks ago when I received that message, I felt extremely ambivalent. The mix-up made me laugh, then I thought to myself, "Should I be feeling at least a little sad?" If the same thing were to happen to me a few months back, I'll probably be depressed. Now? That's how much I've grown through it all.

Today, I realised that it's not that it no longer holds any significance. It's that, it shouldn't hold any significance anymore. It may be the ego speaking, but I've come to realise what I truly deserve. It helps especially when my cute colleagues are calling me 美女 now, so sweet! Joke aside, I'm beginning to love & embrace myself the way I am, knowing that I'm beautiful because I'm God's masterpiece. In his eyes, that's all that matters too ♥ Thank you.

A few days back, Nic told me that honesty is the first step to maturing. Let's face it, I took the effort and risk to send that nice long message and I was disappointed with the response I got. A part of me still longs for you to come back and tell me that you're sorry, then I'll be able to forigve, forget & ask for your forgiveness as well. But it's really okay I guess, 'cause it's all over & done with & I'll continue to mature. Everytime I feel a slight tinge of sadness, it's like a wake-up call. A call to remind me of how God came & saved me, how He blessed me with all the wonderful angels... Not forgetting, my greatest ♥ & forgiveness was found in Him as well.

Many people don't understand the sudden change in me & my faith, I don't blame them because this is really something one has to experience personally to know for real. Only a rare few had seen God's work in my life, truly amazing. (:

Oh, and to those who have been asking me about my "relationship status", all I can say is Friendships FTW :D Anything more, I'm waiting for Daddy God to show me the green light. Definitely not now though, there's much more important things in my life & I'm so happy the way everything are now!

It suddenly occured to me that everytime you're broken, you start to wait for another to pick up the pieces and glue you back together, just like a shattered flower vase. Though you'll never be complete for you have given all the chip-offs away and never be the same again, you'll be another kind of beautiful when all the cracks are filled up adhesive strong enough to make you firm again. When you empty yourself out, you're allowing someone/something to fill you up again someday. In my context, that something is God's love.

Oddly, typing this post has chased away all my emo (:

Ending off with two quotes that really spoke to me today,

"Some people can't help falling for the very same people that hurt them the most."

You had me at Hello. You hurt me at Goodbye. But, you lost me the day you didn't look back. -Lisa Brooks

2010-04-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

Saturday + work has never been a great combination and I'm still feeling a little sad that I missed cell group today 'cause testimonies were shared! :( Time crawled during work today but luckily there were quite a few temps today.

Waited for JL Ong and Jojo before we headed for lunch together. Jojo is sucha high "little boy" I feel so old and lethargic around him despite me being younger. I realised I'm the youngest temp ever since Melody left :O Waited for Humphrey & Jinhuat before we caught "Crossing Henessey" together, there were quite a few funny parts but honestly... sucks shit. The plot was very predictable, lots of cliche, no climax, no twists!

Arcade & my first time watching my friends play street fighter video game and I didn't get to play my Bishi Bashiiiiiiii >:/ Soon soon!

Bible study + sharing was great. It've been awhile since I closed in prayer and it felt nice (: Home at last!! I realised I didn't see my parents at all the whole day, tomorrow shall be home time immediately after service!

Gotta finish my show & sleep soon, zzzzz.

Love ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-04-24T00:25:00.002+08:00

Who the hell bakes at this hour of the night? I just did. Been feeling the urge to bake and there are almost-too-ripe bananas calling out to me, just had to! Not happy with the end product though, knew that I should have cut the sugar, so damn sweet now >:( Oh well, I attribute it partly to how bitter I've been feeling tonight so I dumped lots of sugar hoping to sweeten things up a little.

Been helping out at a funeral these two nights. Never thought I'll say this but I just met the most revolting Christian family thus far. I know I'm in no place to judge but seriously... irritated me to no end & I could only pray for God's help to love & be kind.

I'm super shagged, rest soon & tomorrow will be a great day! (:

2010-04-21T21:14:00.003+08:00

Hello! It's WOOHOO WEDNESDAY :D Mid-week, two more days to the weekends!!!

I just heard the sweetest song on Muttons to Midnight, my bestfriend during A Levels. Miss them & I really love Owl City ♥ ♥ ♥

The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

(:

A bad last night turned right with a good long sleep + early morning breakfast & talk + a relatively great day at work.

Really excited for this weekend, will be making lots of time for the family. Probably gonna cook them dinner on Sunday or something! Perhaps I'll bake too if I have the time?

Oh & yes, tomorrow is thursday = fast from computer day! Hope I won't just end up hooked to my itouch. It's quality quiet time with my greatest ♥

2010-04-20T20:53:00.002+08:00

Recently, many people have been telling me that I look really lethargic... Well, I guess I kinda am, I have been sleeping earliest 11plus & haven't slept past 830am since I started work. Well well, I'm not complaining though, pretty much contented with my current lifestyle (:

Had a pretty fantastic weekend. Sunday service was good, both the message & worship (: Lunch + lazy afternoon nua-ing back at CHR was nice because it was pretty windy. Supported their soccer match against COR which they won beautifully. Contrary to popular belief, I was really watching & enjoying the game okay! Night ended great with dinner + chillax "discussion" session @ Macs. Enjoyed our talk very much despite battling my sleepiness. Surprisingly, we were all pretty open for a group of people who aren't exactly close friends. Edward, Yvonne, Kinpeng, Waichong, Marcus, Nicholas & I.

This week, I'm gonna be a home-girl. Home for dinner everyday!! Save $$$ too. Working on Saturday and I really hope I can catch a movie after that!! & then hot date with the most perfect lover ever :D :D :D

2010-04-17T20:18:00.002+08:00

Dislike "documenting" my life but I'm still doing it anyway... think it'll be nice to look back in the future, reading about my days with different people etc.

I love my life now, despite it being a little mundane and me feeling damn shagged most of the time. My schedule now revolves around working 8 hours, happy lunchtime, friends & family at night, church on weekends (repeat)

Thursday was indeed awesome (Y) We had our "romantic" KFC breakfast @ the pantry and the best part? We were the envy of the countless number of already-at-work people who walked in & out! :D Infused a little more energy and happiness definitely.

The only :/ thing was that the KFC auntie pms-ed me!! Angry, I didn't manage to buy eggtarts for Room A people to try... :(

Dinner with them, Annalaskhmi @ Chinatown point! A little disappointing 'cause it was buffet night, heard the ala carte is much better. Good food still though, wanna go back again sometime!! But I only have like two weeks + 2 days more of work, I think I'm actually gonna miss them :(

Today = Mantoux jab + tuition + percussion + cell group + Island creamery + Eileen's + Grandma's

Down thing? I'm off seafood for the next 3 days & they had the most delicious looking shrimps + squids tonight, urghhhhhhh.

I'm going vegetarian for lunch this coming week + "fasting" of computer at least one night! Damn I'm such an addict, urghhhhh.

2010-04-14T23:24:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow will be a better day, yes? I believe it will be!

KFC Breakkie with JL Ong to kick start the day + dinner with Room A colleagues to end the day.

Today is actually a happy day but now, my lethargy is making me feel... >:/

Booooo.

2010-04-12T22:50:00.002+08:00

I'm bored... and my blog's boring.

I can't wait for wednesday to come, I'll be a really free bird then! No more worrying about University applications etc, it'll be all up to Him (: Also looking forward to Thursday night + the weekends. Can't wait :>

Dindin last night was good! Never felt so happy burning a hole in my pocket :D

Pay!

Donuts for the family!! Cousins + Aunts + Babies :D

YUMMERS!

IS THIS NOT UBER CUTE?! Even when smudged! New Kid's donut I got for Julian tay to make up for making him wait & have late lunch. Nice or nice? I think it resembles him, hahaha.

Last but not least,

Thank God for these loves <3

Last patient this week, not so bad because JL Ong is my buddy. HTHT!

Byebye!

2010-04-11T16:14:00.002+08:00

Seems like last friday night, Chomp chomp is the place to be!

Sweetest papa drove me from work to interview, bought me lunch @ Cafe on the Ridge, dropped me off and waited till I was done (: Shopped + pre-dinner dessert before picking mama! & we headed to Chompchomp for dindin!

BBQ Chicken wings + BBQ Stingray + Cuttlefish Kangkong + Satay Beehoon + Haojian + Sugarcane = LOVES!

We actually finished almost everything! Power.

The only thing that baffles me is, Chompchomp is not big! How come I didn't manage to see any of my friends who were there at the same time?!?! Gonna date them to go back tgt sometime!

I'm heading for some good jap food din later! It's supposed to be my first-pay-treat to the family but my parents are so considerate they think it's too expensive so I'm most probably only going to pay part of the bill... Shall see!

Either way, it's kinda true that almost all of my first pay is gonna be spent in no time. Things on the list,

1. US trip, shopping loots!
2. Port Dickson retreat, gonna pay for all my expenses fully.
3. Sissy's 21st + Graduation present (gotta get something good right??)
5. Normal food + travel + shopping.

Feels like I'm in for a $$$ crisis when I start listing them out... shucks. WARNING TO SELF! NO MORE DIPPING INTO YOUR SAVINGS ANYMORE.

I need to start living a frugal lifestyle + save more money... maybe that'll help lift some burden if I eventually decide to pursue an overseas education. Shall be pragmatic and find a better-paying job, no matter how saikang and uninterested I am after I'm back from travelling!

Bye!

2010-04-10T21:47:00.002+08:00

The afternoon + evening was really bad... thinking back, I feel silly. Felt silly to suddenly lose my trust in God, felt silly to think that I'm inadequate, felt silly to think that my life will be majorly screwed if I do not get into NUS Medicine, felt silly to have felt inferior and emo instead of feeling happy for Jul.

Later in the night, I came home to two jovial babies + cousins + aunts. They really made me smile and realise what's really important in life. I could very well end up as a road-sweeper but they'll still love me.

Now I only feel guilty that I doubted, depended purely on my own strength and not believing that He has plans for me, in which I should have complete trust in. He gave me the desire, gave me the calling and He will continue to point out His way for me. There's no need to feel inadequate and it's even stupid to think so because how can I be inadequate when I'm His masterpiece?

Tonight shall be quiet time with Him, empower me further.

2010-04-07T22:52:00.002+08:00

I love you because you were (always) there for me.

Is that... right?

I'm tired, shall go to bed after showering.

2010-04-03T21:08:00.002+08:00

Woohoo, finally found the time to blog a post. Crazy weekend but I'm lovin' every bit of it so far (:

It all started out on thursday night! We had a belated farewell dinner + outing for Gary & Melody. Since it's for Gary, KOI is a definite must. No complaints though, because KOI + H2H is a good way to go! Our little melody decided to leave earlier and it was a good thing she did, she would have been screwed otherwise 'cause her crazy older work buddies ended up hanging out till 5am. It's tragic yet funny how when someone decides to check the time, something has been missed.

@0008, past mn.

WY: Shit! Miss the last train already la.
The guys: Nevermind, got night rider! 12-3am.

@3am sharp,

ME: zomg! eh guys, night rider no more already leh!!!

Though I ended up only having 3 hours of sleep because of them, I'm all smiles. They are seriously the only reason why I look forward to work right now! I'm glad for this awesome bunch of friends & we click so well it's shocking! We can have H2Hs and damn open discussions about almost everything even though we've known each other for only a couple of weeks. Thank God so much for them & I seriously hope we'll be able to keep in contact after work ends!

Today, I worshipped with a pure and settled heart and I thank God for that (:

Youth easter service was a blast! It's a slight pity that my friends I invited couldn't make it, would have been great if they came. It's okay though, more chances to come in future I trust! Percussion was pretty good, would say it's one of our best times but there's definitely still room for improvement. It was just awesome to hear the others praising us for "the great performance" :D But of course, no room for complacency... gotta keep working hard!

I just thought of how special tomorrow will be for me. Last year's easter was the first time I stepped into LOCCW, attended a service which touched me deeply, watched SOR's debut performance. This easter, I'll be up there performing with them. How cool is that?

I just wished my sister could be there to watch. Come May come!

Extremely shagged, especially when the fatigue strikes me really hard in the mornings. I'm glad that at least I'm spiritually high and it sustains me throughout this weekend.

2010-04-02T23:52:00.002+08:00

A sudden pang of emo-ness awhile ago but it's sunshine after the rain now (:

Sometimes there are things that you refuse to let go of... & then you keep convincing yourself that it's meant to be and then you're justified in not letting go. I'm confused and then irritated with myself for being confused.

It just dawned upon me that if it's meant to be, even if I let go, it'll still find its way back to me... no?

What to do now? Surrender everything, trust & just keep believing. Try my best to trust in His plans for me, trust that however I may stray when making decisions based on my own strength, as long as I stay close to Him & keep faith, He'll put me back in the right path.

Hoping & praying for the best for you too.

2010-03-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

Today's message really spoke to me. Although it's a matter that hasn't been bothering me for the past few months, but it jolted much thought. & together with the worship songs, it really touched me deeply... that I cried when Ps. Joe prayed for me.

I don't know if it's what God wants me to do... but I'm not planning to "action" on what went through my mind today. I think it's better this way, no point digging up the past again after so long, no? Yes, I feel myself getting more rational by the day! Less led by emotions, which is good for me now (:

Sundays are such amazing days. In the morning, I get really inspired during worship and service, all happy. Then comes the evening/night, when God puts my faith to the test... two weeks in a row but I'll remain strong. For a simple reason that I really need Him in my life now, so I can't give up.

Short work-week, easter weekend! :D My prayer for the week is for everyone to put on the biggest smile on their faces, reminded that Jesus laid down His life for us. Be happy & spread the love!! That's the way to go!

Freely, You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love, poured out for all
This is our God

2010-03-28T00:41:00.002+08:00

Today, before meeting up with LQJ, I decided to head to the Esplanade Library for some quiet time to myself. It've been awhile since I entered any library and oddly, it felt nice. I still love that place, I'll find time to return again... today was too short :(

It definitely brought back a lot of memories... & it makes me happy to know that I'm contented with where & who I am right now. I do miss the past which will definitely be kept close to my heart, but I guess it's pretty obvious I'm better now... we both are and that's all the counts, no? (:

A few weeks back, I started thinking about whether I should fulfil a promise, albeit on my own. It sounds silly but then again, why not? Date is drawing close but still have ample time to ponder over it I guess! At the most, I'll see how I feel on that day... letting my emotions take charge seems like what I'm best at still. Oops!

I should have an early night! Church tomorrow (:

2010-03-25T23:20:00.002+08:00

Inspired by sissy's blog post!

Today was by far the worst day at work, all us temp staff got gathered for a "talk" and no prizes for guessing how it went. This resulted in me being majorly sulky and quiet before lunch. & I lunched alone with Down with Love as my company. Oddly enough, it felt like a good & refreshing change (:

On a bad day, I started thinking about the 3 things that I should thank God and be happy for,

1) Bonded more with my Room A colleagues! Albeit through gossiping about "public enemies" at work, not very kind but filled with fun & laughter nevertheless. Apparently today is a day filled with office politics so I guessed we all needed that bitching session!

2) Buddy texted me! Really missed that crazy guy, hope he's surviving well in camp!

3) Got my lazy bones working & running for the second time for the week. Running really allows me to vent my frustrations too.

+ I just bitched to my mum about what's happening @ work, feeling so much happier now!

Off for time with God + sleep. Goodnight all!

2010-03-24T21:48:00.003+08:00

Feeling extremely sad over something I shouldn't and it's scaring me a wee bit. Okay, make that a lot.

Bright side of tonight, I finally submitted my NUS application, no more fretting and thinking too much. & it's two more days to weekends.

Shall go have some comfort milo & spend time with God. Goodnight world.

2010-03-21T22:24:00.004+08:00

A really happy day turned a little sad >:( First time I cried after quite a long time and it actually makes me a little proud of how strong I've been for the past few months. Ah well, I shall see this as God's test for me & my faith, definitely!

Anyway, today's a blog-worthy day. Got up damn early to prepare myself, headed down to church for service, which was awesome! Loved every bit of worship too. Rushed back home and down to cousin's solemnisation ceremony!

Damn, I really teared afterall... Couldn't help it! It was so sweet & touching, all the "I do, I will" and lastly, the exchange of their personalized vows. I'm gonna make sure my husband writes a beautiful and long vow too! Hahaha. The bride was, as usual, drop-dead gorgeous! The most amazing thing about this couple is that they've dated for 11 crazy years, their love really GMH.

Despite the prior whines about the unflattering colour/dresscode theme, I saw the light today! All of us cousins (except one) turned up in white and it looked great when we took our group shot, very pretty :D Especially with the awesome setting & decor! Will post photos when & if I do get them, haha.

We missed you today sissy! Can't wait for May (:

Last but not least,

M's back! :D

2010-03-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

Weddings always make me cry, even stranger's.

I hope I don't tear at my cousin's solemnization though, it'll be embarrassing ttm!

2010-03-17T23:16:00.003+08:00

God's message for me on facebook is so apt, totally linked to the topic I was discussingg with Gary during closing today... & both responses I got are around the same? Scary much!

He said, "It's either you go and make something happen, or you do nothing and forget about it."

Hmmmmm. To love or not to love? For now, let's continue to spread God's love.

2010-03-16T20:13:00.004+08:00

The other day I was all cheery and most importantly, off-work skipping out of the pharmacy when an old wheelchair bound lady who was at the waiting area grabbed my arm while I passed her by. She looked really feeble and weak, but her grip on my arm was so strong and tight. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. I didn't know what conditions she is suffering from but she could no longer communicate properly... She just kept holding and tugging on my arm and the other hand reaching to pull something out of her pocket or so. Then her maid (I think) intervened and "saved" me but the ah ma's grip was so tight she literally had to pull her away.

I was, of course, quite shocked and also curious as to what she wanted but I decided to just walk away... It was quite a heartwrenching scene to watch. What is it that would make you grab hold of a complete stranger like that? She looked lonely... and perhaps I should have stayed to talk to her. Though I'm 99% sure her maid wouldn't have allowed for that to happen.

Ohyeah, sidetrack a bit... I love it when I get called out for occasional translation job! Can finally make use of my dialect & love talking to older people who are always so appreciative. Their "thank you" + smile always make me smile (:

I started wondering about what will happen when I grow old. I was brought up on a close-knitted family and have always believed my own family in future will be the same. That I will be able to educate my children and groom them into awesome people who are extremely close to mummy me. However, I know that these things aren't within our control, really. Though I'll definitely still be extremely sad if I fail to bring up my children properly... and I end up as a lonely old lady nobody cares about. Will I have to search high & low, reach out to outsides/strangers for some love & comfort? Will I have someone whom I love around to hold my hands in times of joy as well as troubles?

Ah well, at least one thing's for sure... I'll always have Papa God :D

2010-03-15T20:29:00.004+08:00

Time really flies, I realised I've been in this job for the 4th week already and still very bearable (: and it helps that I'm loving my workmates more everyday, they're the sweetest bunch of friends I could ask for at this workplace! Which explains why I felt kinda sad when I got sent over to cater to the private patients :( Oh well, still appreciate the few hours I get to spend with them!

Everytime I walk back into OP to get some medicine, they'll go "YO MONICAAAAA!" Today I am also known as the "hard to catch" girl, hahaha.

W: Eh chiobu! Hello!!!
M: Hahah yes? Chiobu take medicine only, going back liao :(
WY: So fast?!?
GP: Chiobu... you playing hard to catch right?

Hahaha! Love using the oh-so-familiar initials. Oh! I left my waterbottle at work on friday night, Gary got it & brought it home for me on saturday, scrubbed it clean & brought it back to me filled with water today (: I feel like sucha loved little mei mei at work, haha.

To sissy, HELLO!! You know what? I'm not even sure how to comment, much less write my name :O Hahaha, I'm gonna take leave soon! Pray for the best!

2010-03-14T22:08:00.001+08:00

Why do I feel that I was wrong about you all along?

& it's kinda sad :(

2010-03-14T19:25:00.002+08:00

Rahhhh, I've been so busy and tired I haven't been to this space for a couple of days. First time looking at the stupid ugly Echo thing >< Shall do something to it when I'm less lazy. To whoever who tagged, HELLO!!! (:

Work is still going fine, I'm surviving alright but my love-hate relationship with closing shift is setting in. I get to go to work at 10am but I knock off at around 7pm, and and no temps doing closing with me this week D: But I'm currently happy because it means I can stay up later and sleep more tomorrow morning still! Waking up early is not a problem for me, I get unhappy when I don't get to have my late nights for too long. I'm weird like that.

I had an awesome weekend though, the only sad moment I had was this morning when I realised my bank account balance is decreasing drastically! Can't wait for my pay to come in, which will be in awhile since stupid me keep forgetting to mail my timesheets, urgh!

Friday night was impromptu dinner with a few of my work buddies, we went for cheap jap food @ Sumo House and then bought Koi (under excited Gary's insistence, haha) to drink @ AMK Central Stage! Totally one of my favourite night-time H2H talk venues. Had a good time talking to them about every random thing, we're all so damn open its hard to believe we've only known one another for 2 weeks. Amazing how God places people in our lives, isn't it? (:

Saturday consisted of tuition, foodfest (Thank you MR, Sarah & Priya my awesome ttmz team-mates :D) & twin cousins' 21st birthday! At the end of the day, I was unkempt, sweaty and stinking of BBQ smoke but most importantly, happy :D I also need to thank God that at an unearthly hour of 1am, I had the energy to research and do my preparation for bible study.

Bible study, service & percussion (: While I was contemplating to pack/skip lunch, God provided me with lunch companions allowing me to bump into Jac & Ailing! Had a great time talking with them as well.

Late nights coupled with bright early mornings are indeed very taxing but I sincerely thank God for everything - the people around me, my loved ones & the events that I could play a part in. I'm really looking forward to this coming week although I know it's gonna be a crazy one again!!

Right now, I'm off to bathe and then complete my scholarship essay & pray that God will lead me where He wants me to be (: Gna be disciplined and do quiet time, hope I can! Maybe I should find an accountability partner... hmm?

2010-03-08T18:23:00.001+08:00

咪修咪修。

2010-03-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

People always tend to grow appreciative of things that they've once lost. Maybe it's so true that when that something or someone is always around, you'll start taking things for granted. It becomes such an integral part of your life, etched so deep into your life that you don't see it anymore. Then, it slowly loses its significance until the day it fully disappears and you only realise it because you stopped feeling whole. More often than not, warnings are taken lightly because all things seem bearable until the emptiness sets in. Just like how we can leave a bulb to flicker, not bothering till the day it ceases to lit.

I'm one who is driven by emotions most of the time, which explains my love-hate relationship with many people. Take my class for example, I really dislike how a few individuals love to hurl verbal "abuses" at one another, tease others till a fight breaks out creating slight havocs and not forgetting the insensitive remarks that come spouting out of their fountain-like mouth. Now that I no longer see them almost everyday, I miss how I whine when the guys bully me, miss acting cranky when bored and saying stuff like "Do you realise... that the particles of the clock are vibrating in continuous motion even though it is still?!?!" during lectures, miss buddy's -.- when I tell him that. Even miss the guys' crude handsigns and the girls' gossiping, hahaha. All these are intensified by the old videos taken in class recently uploaded on fb, they make me smile.

People always never seem to be 100% contented with their lives, I'm guilty of it as well. We are always searching for something, the something that we feel is missing, the something we search high and low for because we think it's the missing jigsaw piece to making our lives... perfect. Without which, our lives will never be complete. The something which we've never seen before and many do not even know what it is exactly.

This led me to think of a quote from my lit text 2 years ago... "Why do you think you're missing something you've never had?"

Really intriguing, no?

2010-03-06T21:44:00.002+08:00

I thought today, it will set in and make me feel extremely happy but no it didnt! Kinda weird huh? Despite going to bed way past 2am last night, I deliberately woke up early so that I could go have breakfast before work. It was a great decision because I had some quiet time with God while having breakfast alone. I thanked Him for the blessings He has showered upon me and my friends, prayed for courage and determination for a few of my beloved ones who ain't as happy with their grades.

I thought of what is it exactly about good grades that makes one feel happy? For me, it's definitely seeing the happy smiles on my parents' faces. It makes everything feel so worthwhile. Of course, I worked hard for my own future... but how can they not be part of it? Definitely, always, no maybe (:

Yesterday, I did experience a myraid of emotions but strangely not due to my own results. For one, I felt so happy and proud of my dearest Qiuping for having done so well (: That silly girl kept thanking me for all my help, but cmon! It's all her personal hard work yoz. Either way, she's an awesome friend who has always been there for me and I'm glad to have been there for her in some way too. Seeing her shed tears of joy for the first time was that close to making me tear even before I got my own results. There was just this undescribable happiness when she showed me her results slip & I actually do miss all those after school and occasional late night studies with my study buddy!

Later in the afternoon, I got pretty down for awhile after receiving news from another close friend of mine. Just gotta keep praying for her to stay strong, happy and may she stay close to God throughout this period. The only comfort I had was knowing we will be meeting up soon! Can't wait to talk.

In the evening, I felt guilt, immense guilt that made me feel like a bitch. I suddenly recalled an incident earlier and how those unintentional words might have hurt. Nothing else I can say except a sincere and genuine sorry. No excuses, it was definitely my bad.

This entire blog post is awfully disjoint, roar. I bombed a hell lot of $$$ yesterday but oh well it's okay, promised deals & celebrations with my loved ones. Can continue to save up when I resume work!! I'm still contemplating on my WII, shall discuss with da bro, heeeee.

Oh! & before I forget, thanks to...

Aunts & cousins who celebrated with me today!
Casper for making me food though at the end of cooking, all hot and sweaty, exclaimed "I love Monica no more!"
Nicholas for the prayer & accompanying me,
& everyone who messaged or called me to wish me luck, ask me not to worry or congratulate me!

Really much appreciated (:

I can't wait for worship tomorrow! It feels like foreverrrrr since the last service.

2010-03-06T00:40:00.002+08:00

It's crazy how God blesses me so much. Though I'm kind of far away from Him now, He never forgets to show me how much He loves me & how much He cares (:

While it's good to be humble, I'm still gna say... THANK YOU GOD FOR THE CRAZY 7As + H3 DISTINCTION. Despite what others may say, I honestly really never expected myself to score so well, Econs was an exceptional blessing. Two parts zero conclusion and one part 3/4 done only, mad! It's so crazyyyyy, till the point that I somehow don't seem to feel it? I'm really happy but not like ecstatic kind? Maybe it hasn't set in, this whole day still feels really unreal!

I've found my happy ending to my JC life, can really testify God's work in me. (: I hope I can use my results to do good and glorify His name.

Prayer is really the greatest weapon, that prayer before joining the class queue really helped me to calm down a lot. Thank you for everything and this amazing day.

I love him, all that he is <3

Amen.

2010-03-04T20:27:00.002+08:00

Why does it seem like as we grow older, the time that we have everyday seems to get shorter? It's 24 hours all the same. It may be because we have more and more things to do. As a child, we had fixed timetables and only a couple of hours at school, when we're home it's just sleep and play with toys. We never seemed to be rushing because we had all the time in the world... well, I guess we did. As we grow older, one common phrase we often use is "time flies". I like to say, time zooms.

I started thinking about this because I realised that recently, I'm running out of patience. Is it because I feel that the time I have to do things are lesser and therefore just rush through things as quickly as possible or am I just becoming more selfish by the day? Take for instance, I used to be able to spend a long time just sitting down and chatting with my grandma, slowly walk her to her room and whatnot. I still do sometimes but more often than not, now when she says "okay okay you can go up already, I can walk on my own!" I'll really go after a few moments. I feel so unfilial >:( What's happening!

Recently, I realised that it's all about ME. I'm working now because I'm too bored at home, because I want money to spend, because I need money to go for my church retreat, because I feel guilty for flying to London for an interview and I want to pay my dad back for my expenses if possible, or at least part thereof.

Conclusion? I really need to change and find the old Monica back, she was much more lovable in my honest opinion. She was crazy, fun, happy-go-lucky, not afraid of others' opinions and well, not emo.

I also need to be disciplined and spend quiet time with God, I really miss Him.

2010-03-02T21:11:00.002+08:00

Not too long ago, I started having many weird dreams and there was one that was particularly disturbing and also the one I remember the most vividly. I couldn't help but to google for dreams interpretation.

Apparently, it signifies that I'm searching and hoping for the finer things in life. I think it kinda makes sense when I think about it.

My life is kind of boring now, stable is boring. Excitement, come find me pleaseeeeee.

Anyone who is interested can ask me directly, too paiseh to post! Hahaha, like ttm.

2010-03-01T22:00:00.002+08:00

如果还有遗憾，是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪，都停不下来。
若那一刻从来，我不哭。。。
让他知道我可以很好。

2010-03-01T20:14:00.002+08:00

Finally! Press release is out, results in another 4 days.

I'm feeling really excited yet scared at the same time! Afterall, I hate anticipation so I'm looking forward to just... knowing. Then again, little cowardy me is still kinda terrified. Today, I was thinking... why?

Because that slip of alphabets is equivalent to two years of work, it is your only testimony. No matter how many As you have gotten in your JC life, they all don't matter. This is the only time that matters. It's either your efforts pay off damn well and you shed tears of joy or you shed tears of despair that your hard work didn't pay off or you shed tears of regret for not having worked hard enough.

Come this friday, another chapter of my life is gonna close. I honestly cannot be more relieved. Thank you God for having given me the best I could ever have in JC, it was indeed crazy and tough but I wouldn't have seen Your love otherwise. (:

May I go with the peace of God & good luck to all!

2010-02-27T22:42:00.001+08:00

Christ in me, christ in me, christ in me the hope of glory.

2010-02-25T22:27:00.002+08:00

Am extremely tired and worried, the worst feeling ever :( feel like I may breakdown any moment.

I need prayers, plenty.

2010-02-23T23:32:00.002+08:00

God, I'm leaving everything to you. I've been off for quite some time now and I want to come back... please help me!

In whatever we do, remember that our Daddy God is always faithful. Even if we lose our faith, He'll always pull us back. Just open our hearts to receive.

(:

First day @ work wasn't all that bad! I hope I can continue to feel positive about it!

Had a damn good night though my plan to sleep really early was disrupted. There was peach red tea delivery & a good two hours chat about absolutely everything... and nothing. Haha! I also had a good time laughing secretly as Julian had a very courteous and polite conversation with mum, it's very entertaining.

Alright, need to sleep soon. Nights world!

2010-02-22T21:14:00.002+08:00

X, I know what you're gonna say about this but save the judgment... I love this song.

I heard it for the first time today, it spoke to me in a weird manner.

Just watched the ultimate tear-jerker on channel 8, every episodes makes me cry without fail. I know I'm crazy fortunate so no more grossing over low pay, long hours, not being able to afford that Kate Spade or Hermes no matter how hard I save etc. With my measly temp job pay, I'm still earning more than what a family of 3 is surviving on every month.

An eighty years old ah ma cleans the whole house on her own and her energy comes from hardened rice that can be up to one year old (& recooked umpteen times) or a pot of chicken (pieces given by kind neighbours who held a party) and preserved veggies that lasts her for half a month. She also has a cancerous growth on her head for the past 2 years but haven't been seeking treatment... she is supporting two of her children who has mental illness (one coupled with diabetes) whom she feeds with warm fresh food daily >:( She once attempted suicide because her son was pushing her to wee ends for money to buy cigarettes. She reads newspapers everyday with a magnifying glass and checks up the words she doesn't know using a yellowed sheets of what used to be a "dictionary". For 15 years, she read using the lights that shone into her house from the corridor but never gave up because she felt the need to connect with the world. She, GMH.

& my intense dislike for smokers have upped another notch.

2010-02-22T19:15:00.000+08:00

Been feeling horribly uneasy since late morning :(

Why like that? Roar.

2010-02-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

Monica had two consecutive awesome days.

Tuition + Prata Lunch + Dinner @Cousin's + Chun dao he pan + Marina Macs + Late night funny movie + 3 hours of sleep - stupid alarm which didnt go off - oversleep mad rush morning - $10.20 cab fare = Awesome saturday.

Morning prayer + Prata Breakfast (same place and we planned it somemore, yes we are crazy!) + Teh Tarik less sugar that was still sweet ttmz + Stoning @Chapel + Welcome + Service + Home lunch + 3 hours nap (!!!) + Grey's + tian chong + longggggg phone call - kids "taunting" M's baby - grumpy M = Great sunday.

Monica should be un-unemployed soon!! Mad happy, more reason to look forward to weekends now :D

Ohyes, & M is more than grateful to have Julian Tay back (to normal and everything else, hahaha)

Thank you God & goodnight world!

2010-02-19T23:53:00.002+08:00

Thank God for free incoming, I realised I've been talking a lot on the phone lately. Not complaining though, I love the feeling. Phone calls just have a certain feeling, no? Although it often makes you forget the concept of time and how fast it passes leading to ultimate late night sleep.

I'm not making much sense here I know >< Goodnight!

2010-02-19T10:26:00.002+08:00

Urgh, it seems that in life, things always tend to appear at the wrong times leading to contradictory situations. To make things worse, humans are just as contradictory themselves, or even more so.

To round up the picture, we humans are often entangled in greed and never-ending desires... always waiting for what we think is the perfect one.

People say, good things are worth the wait. Really?

2010-02-18T21:56:00.002+08:00

People always say, the lesser you expect, the lesser the disappointment will be. Yay or nay?

I remember about a month back, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine... one of those "eh A levels results how ah? Ggxx la, freaking scared." conversations. Most of us share the same sentiment that A levels >>>>>>>>> O levels, doesn't help when our papers were more difficult than usual. As a result, most of our conclusions are, "Don't know leh, unpredictable lor..." Then, the next question that usually follows would be, "But you think leh, what do you expect to get?"

Expectations. They are a scary thing.

More often than not, when I share my woes and worries about not being able to achieve good grades, the reply would be "Cmon, relax, you sure no problem one what! If you don't get ah..." Here goes, that's precisely my point. Ditch self-expectations for the moment. People expect. & the higher others expect of me, the more I would want to achieve and the more I will worry about falling short... no? I know some always wonder why I seem to be so hard on myself at times... besides striving for myself first and foremost, there's always still expectations to be met. Let's face it, when a so called "elite" school student fails, there's always more to be said. Nobody seems to penalise another "all-along-mediocre" student with the same grades in the same way.

To be very honest, I was a little reluctant to share the news of my conditional offer simply because I was scared. Comes march and my results don't even make the cut, then what's going to happen? I'm going to be that rj girl who happily "exclaimed" that she's going to medical school but oh, she eventually didn't because her results CMI. & everyone is going to be all sweet and encouraging but God knows what they'll say behind my back. I know I sound crazily cynical now but I've been through enough to know it's just... true.

Truth be told, I kind of dislike being in an "elite" school because people just expect so much from you and of you. Both good and bad. People expect you to be super smart, expect you to get good grades all the time, expect you to love studying, expect you to mug 24/7, expect you to be a lifeless nerd who knows-it-all. In my own opinion, we're all the same. Which school you come from doesn't determine who you are in life, no? But just like a swaying tree, over time, I've allowed others' "Wah you're from rj ?!?! Must be damn smart!" get to me. Oddly, it makes me feel different... in a bad way.

I started to wonder if "no expectations" is actually feasible. To brace myself for possible bad news, I always tell myself to expect less... so that when you achieve a little better than "less" perhaps you'll feel happy enough. It never worked. I still end up feeling disappointed... so I personally conclude that no matter how bad you tell yourself to "expect", those are not really your true expectations and you'll still wind up feeling as disappointed as ever. Really.

Back to square one, then how?

Right now, I'm just praying to always experience God's peace in all situations. Then no matter what I receive, I'll still be able to praise Him from the bottom of my heart.

2010-02-17T23:36:00.002+08:00

It's weird that I'm feeling all weird tonight... Emo songs are obviously of no help as well.

Needs a good night sleep coupled with a sweet dream... Looking forward to great day out tomorrow still. Is to be loves.

2010-02-14T23:11:00.003+08:00

It feels ironic that valentines was so much more exciting when I was back in school. & I thought these few months I will have the time of my life being out of school ><

Any-o-how, CNY day one was good though I am damn uber shagged. Was literally forcing myself to stay awake in the car on the way home with da bro since only the two of us yo. Hope the next two days will be as good (: I do remember getting bored during CNY... being made to wait home for visitors who turn up like once every few hours.

So friends!!! Do feel free to pop by anytime if you wna bai nian w my parents (or simply when bored/wna take angbao, hahaha) or buzz me so we can depend on each other for entertainment.

Ciao!

2010-02-12T21:24:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, you told me about the blue blue sky.

I want to go to Marina Barrage for a picnic and kite-flying!

& maybe watch the sunset too, if im that lucky (:

2010-02-12T08:58:00.003+08:00

Goodbye RJC (click click)

This is so crazily redundant. Sometimes it's good to stop being delusional and start realising that nobody really cares, RJC, RI(JC) or just RI. Even with the media influences, how many people knew we (Class of 2009) are the first graduating batch of RI(JC) ? Now, it seems like we are going to be the ONLY RI(JC) batch, yay.

Just don't get the big hoo-ha that some always make. Lemme guess, when's the next big serious & slightly solemn assembly talk to explain the situation again? For once, I'd rather them be quietly (or not so) building more Bio-diversity ponds and plant more hazardous but still pretty cactuses around the campus. & not signs that are made to be removed a few months later.

Oh, and I quote...

"All its students bypass the O levels and graduate with A Levels."

Guess we're the 1/3 thats not all the important afterall! (:

2010-02-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hello! :D Jin tian hen hao, Ming tian hui geng hao! Ke shi wo hai Yao zhao gong zuo!!!

2010-02-10T16:28:00.006+08:00

Saw this on a friend's blog,

Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. But the real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away would be so much easier.
(runawaytrain.tumblr)

Yesterday morning I met my first botak friend for breakfast @ Subway, I'm back to loving Subway but that's besides the point, haha. We sat at the very empty subway and chatted for almost 2 hours unknowingly. I guess it've been quite awhile since we last met... and I thank God for this opportunity (: It was so out of nowhere and just in time, He is really blessing this friendship in many ways! That's a friend who never walked away and pops up at the most random times to encourage and push me, thank you!!

Time has been drastically zooming by since graduation night and my promises made to meet up with several people haven't been fulfilled yet, I feel super guilty! I've been so caught up with attachments and all I haven't made time for many people D: Perhaps it's really good to take a break though it's super frustrating 'cause I need a job and the $$$ but ah well. Ah well, God's in control (:

I threw some stuff away today, Artie will be very proud of me. I pretty much am too.

2010-02-10T16:09:00.002+08:00

Zzzz packing and cleaning my room up is so not my thing but I've found a little joy in doing so today! I came across a stack of cards, notes & letters etc. so I decided to read through them... that was when I noticed a small stack of little torn up drawing-board paper with scribblings on them. Adam Khoo motivational workshop & all the appreciative notes from friends. Made me smile (:

I've arranged them for safekeeping in my good ol' useful rattan "basket". Much love.

Still have to clear the bookshelf and stack up all my notes, zzzzzzz. C'mon c'mon!

2010-02-08T01:17:00.003+08:00

Talking to a friend made me decide to revisit the past that've been recorded in my livejournal. People, do not even bother trying to search for it because even if you do find it... all the relevant posts are locked. 'Cause I'm smart like that!

The main point is, I'm glad I did so... it made me finally realised how far I've come along. Yes there are still weak moments that I falter but damn, I'm so much stronger now. All thanks & praise to my almighty God of course (:

Reading all those posts didn't make me cry or feel sad like it did before. I feel neither sad nor happy, maybe this is what they call numbed.

They say, time heals everything. I say, God heals everyone. (Y)

2010-02-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

Life is too short for you to give in.

2010-02-06T23:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.

How very very true.

2010-02-05T22:29:00.001+08:00

When my sister was younger she came home from school one day and demanded I take her to the library so she could get books on sign language.

I asked why? She told me there was a new kid at school who was deaf and she wanted to befriend him.

Today I stood beside her at their wedding watching her sign "I DO". GMH

Uber duper sweet! (:

2010-02-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

Life has been treating me well since I came back from London. I've been happy, seemingly immuned to jetlag, sleeping late but having enough energy for attachment and yes, this week's attachment has been awesome!

I've been into the OR everyday so far! It's all worth it though I stood for 5 long hours today and partner was freezing and feeling all numb. I was just telling sissy, the feeling of changing into scrubs is uber! Though I seriously doubt the chances of me ever becoming a surgeon... too much to handle & forsake.

My doctors are uber nice! & I'm going in only at 10am tomorrow, woohoo ;D

Have nice plans for the next few days too & Jul (& hopefully rahrah too) will most probably come with me to CHR on saturday!!! & I talked to buddy (formerly known as brother but he wants to be buddy now) and he made me a promise which I can't reveal now... when the time ripes! I certainly do hope it's soon though. Can't be more happy and contented really.

Thank you God <3

OH & I've been talking and doing silly things with da bro (my one and only biological one!) a lot recently (: He loves the Everlast hoodie I got him from London and it fits well so that adds on to my happiness! So does daddy's Lonsdale Polo.

Can't see the detailed design on the hoodie, its just damn nice! Daddy says so too. Now da bro has an overload of hoodies and sweaters though 'cause we keep buying them for him reason being "You started school, lecture theatres very cold!!!"

Oddly, I do miss London & it's beauty. Even miss bundling myself up in 4-5 layers all the time before heading out...

I'll be back someday! With people I love (:

2010-01-31T19:16:00.002+08:00

IS BACK HOME! :D :D

I do miss London 'cause it's a darn awesome place but am happy to be back! I missed my bed! This trip turned out to be really great and I have a new "testimony" to share, thank God for being with me this whole journey (:

2010-01-29T07:34:00.002+08:00

I'm sleepy and I want to go and sleep! But how can I when I know that I've just downed half a lagasna and 4 tang yuans.

Wicked was well, wicked! (Pun totally intended) No thanks to the sleepy bug that slightly got in my way of the musical though >:( Good day! One more fun busy day and I'll be back on the sunny island :D Am actually very happy because I miss home & alot of people to be honest.

& bud-bro is back in town! Speaking of which, I haven't replied to his text... Uh oh!

2010-01-24T03:43:00.000+08:00

Greetings from London! (:

2010-01-22T00:48:00.002+08:00

Today I suddenly realise what you mean to me all over again. The tears I stopped months back surfaced once again and I hate it.

I also hate that I'm so bloody weak and can't keep to what I say or stick firm to my decisions. Should I do what I rationally think is best, or follow my heart?

2010-01-20T22:25:00.002+08:00

Grey's Anatomy is mad awesome, every episode makes me wanna tear, haha! I don't know what took me so long to start on it... I have a feeling I will be watching through the night but that'll probably kill my eyes.

Being a doctor is really tiring & challenging but also crazily rewarding. Even as an attachee, I could feel it. You can sleep for 3 hours, attend meetings at 730am, run around for 10 hours and still smile from the bottom of your heart when you say "You're doing great! You can be discharged." or when a patient says "Thank you so much, doctor."

I'm glad I decided to set aside 2 months of otherwise money-making time to do these attachments. Though it kind of does complicate matters... Sigh! However, I know I really want this. So, don't try to tell me that I'm not good enough... it's not up to you to judge, it's up to God. Afterall, I'm his masterpiece (:

So no more feeling inferior or whatever from now on, I can do all things in His name! Yes, I can.

2010-01-19T20:20:00.002+08:00

After two days of sitting in the clinic, listening to repeated "你的眼睛会 mong mong 吗？"

1) I realised that there is no such word as "mong" in chinese
2) My own eye infection is coming back and my vision is really mong mong now!

Damn, still need to go take passport size photos tomorrow >< cannot go with red infected eyes! I shall go seek comfort in my bottle of cold honey woney again... OH YES! I "quit" my attachment, hahaha so I have three days of rest, break & prepare for my trippy!

Till then. (:

2010-01-18T20:59:00.003+08:00

I (heart) Maple Lim 'cause she always secretly read my blog and texts me out of concern, sweet much?

On NYE, she sent me this really long text on our "friendship journey" thus far. We were bestfriends for two years, "jue jiao-ed" & not on good or talking terms for two years and then patched up and are still awesome friends for two years now (:

It's kinda funny how it was her "distrust" in me which killed the friendship initially and again, her trust and belief that I will be there for her which pieced it back altogether. Either way, I thank God for everything. (:

This is us now, chatting while watching telly... the same show together!

HAHA! Cracks me up big time manzzzz.

I wanted to blog on something insightful today but I'm feeling lazy D: Another time perhaps? Oh just one thing for now...

Yesterday night I went boots-hunting for my trip, didn't want to be a clumsy duck in big London city! So there we were in a small shoe shop in People's Park looking at a pair of Dr Martens which costs 279 buckaroos :O The shopkeeper said that it was exceptionally expensive because it's limited edition. I totally accepted that because 1) Dr Martens are bloody expensive to start with, 2) Yeah, makes sense for limited edition to cost even more...

He continued to say that it was so "limited" that there are only a few pairs in Singapore and he managed to ORDER & get hold of them. Okay starting to sound dubious here but still acceptable... wait for the good part now. He claimed that even the Dr Martens retail stores do not carry this "very limited" design. Wow! & there it stands, a pair of super limited edition Dr Martens boots somewhere on the shelf of this super cluttered and squeezy shoe shop.

Dad says, "Yeah what, of course limited edition la... they ownself produce one ma!"

Why are "brands" so expensive anyway?!? I don't mind paying for the quality but I'm sure this great disparities cannot be substantiated by the quality difference alone... Food for thought!

2010-01-17T22:36:00.003+08:00

Prayer releases God's power in your life.

2010-01-16T22:21:00.002+08:00

Danggggg, yesterday night was epic fail! It was still fun though (:

My maid very kindly reminded me how often I've been failing sick in the recent months. When I'm ill, I like to believe that eating biscuit + drink lots of fluid (honey woney in today's case) + put on my only pyjamas + have a good night sleep of >/= 10 hours will lead to a miraculous healing.

Okay, off to meds+bed.

2010-01-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

Roar, I skipped cell because I had something important to do. In the end, it was cancelled and tonight saw me at the most boring place on earth with good company though (: I'm just a little sad I missed out on cell, haven't been spending time with God & it sucks.

It's friday tomorrow! I'm excited for the short break ahead but slightly sad about leaving this attachment, I was just getting used to the place & all. & I'm almost 100% sure the rest wouldn't be as awesome but let's just keep hoping for the best!

Tomorrow night <3

My MSN sucks shit, my friends' messages are not getting through to me again. Damn! So, sorry if I "ignored" you, I didn't. Oh btw people, text me if anything and don't call if unnecessary unless you do not mind being on speaker. Yes my phone screwed up again, I can only talk on speaker now, wth. & early apologies if I answered your call but you're treated with like 30 seconds of "Hello? Hello?" I just have bad memory.

Goodnight! This is so boring, I'm so boring >:(

2010-01-14T18:32:00.002+08:00

Airshow 2008 (:

where I found my love...

& lost him on the very same day, hahaha.

I got reminded of this because I was thinking about how little time I have left for friends... and some friends whom I haven't caught up with for a very long time. I miss you jas!

2010-01-13T20:13:00.002+08:00

Julian just called and wanted to meet + I'm supposed to go buy rah's present + possibly shop for something for brother too, but I'm really too tired! Okay I feel bad for not going because I'm feeling okay right now, just that I don't want to make the same mistake again >:( If I go out, I'll be home late = sleep less = crazy tired tomorrow.

Oh well, I pray & hope I'll be able to get off early the next two days... then I'll have time to go pick out presents & maybe get prepared for London! I'm half excited half worried. & damn, I can't go for cell tomorrow, urgh!

Don't get me wrong though, I'm loving this week 'cause it's so fulfilling & I love my mentor! He is so so so mad nice & capable, so are the rest in the dept! Especially the uber vulgar tattooed chao beng, haha! (:

I want to post photos but my camera batt died, I lost my phone cable & my laptop's bluetooth is screwed. Ultimatez.